Ever thought: What the fuuuuu am I doing with my life? Well, hopefully this post will give you some insight into that...
If you have been following me from the beginning you would know that I moved to Spain in September 2014 after realizing my heart wasn't 100% in pursuing a doctorate in physical therapy. I loved the career, but something held me back from choosing this path. Although my studies were heavily science based, and my internship was working at a physical therapy clinic, all my volunteer hours were put into mentoring a refugee child from Burma, assisting a teacher in an international school, helping in a daycare for 2 year olds, and guiding high school students in an ESL classroom. I worked as a Spanish tutor on the side on top of all my volunteer work. It was obvious my passion was with children and teaching, but society told me that path wasn't successful. It's a low paying job, and it's "easy" compared to other professions. It honestly never crossed my mind at UVa that I could pursue teaching as a career as all my lab buddies were applying to medical school, my engineer friends already had jobs lined up after graduation, my business pals were pursuing an MBA, etc. I wanted to be like them, and I was more than capable of doing the same. Most of it came from pressure I put on myself. Like most first generation American kids, I wanted so badly to give my parents everything for all the sacrifices they made for me, the biggest one being moving to the USA so we could have a better life. I thought that a high paying job would reaffirm any doubt they had immigrating to the USA--that they made the right decision because here we could have what they didn't in the Philippines. After talking to my parents and shedding many tears, I found that all they ever wanted for me in life was to be happy. My happiness is their success. Once I understood that, so much pressure was lifted off of me. I understand that not every parent is understanding or open-minded, but eventually (for some it will take years), they will come around if they recognize you are truly happy with what you choose to pursue.
Despite my parent's approval of my decisions, I still let society and my friends' successes get to my head. After falling in love with teaching my first year in Spain and renewing my contract, I fell back into my insecurities and doubts at the end of the school year after my friends who had taken a gap year were now getting into MPH school, medical school, law school, etc. So much value is put on careers like medicine, and those who pursue it according to society's standards are successful, intelligent, and hard working. If I didn't pursue that career, was I not as successful, intelligent, or hard working as them? I honestly thought my teaching year was a gap year, but then life reminded me how much I love it. I had always loved teaching, but it didn't seem like a logical career path. I had never expressed aloud interest in teaching, it was just something I voluntarily did. I had a difficult end last year as I went back and forth with my decision to stay in Spain. I was a failure in society's eyes, and that put me in a really dark place. My insecurities hit an all time low, I felt more lost than ever going into the the summer, and I honestly thought I had made the wrong decision to stay.
I spent the entire summer feeling internally trapped, and it was the worst summer of my life. Luckily the idea of seeing my family at the end kept me working hard over the summer so I could afford a flight back home after being away for a whole year. Opening up to my family and friends about my insecurities and other issues over the summer was exactly what I needed to do to be reminded me of the love and support I have at home. The two weeks in the USA made me reflect a lot on life, and I came to this conclusion--when you let go of every insecurity you have ever had and you stop letting society pressure you into being something you are not or pursuing something that you hate, I promise you life will be a little bit easier. Obviously this is easier said than done, and it is something I still work at everyday and am sure will continue to battle for the rest of my life. But it's something I need to say as I have found that many of my friends and people I have met around my age are going through the same shit: What the hell am I doing with my life? This includes people who have finally obtained everything they have ever worked for--medical school admission, dream job, marriage, etc. What's next after you finally get what you worked for your whole life? It is more than normal to be unsure of your future -- it's scary as hell, and I promise you are not alone, although many times it may feel that way. Many people are too prideful or scared or worried to admit they aren't happy even when on paper everything to having a good and happy life checks off. I wanted to share this message with all of you because I know how easy it is to put pressure on yourself, how manipulated you can get by society, how influenced you can be by your friends' successes, and how badly insecurities can weigh you down.
I've now been back in Spain for over 2 months, and I can tell you I made the right decision in staying and am happier than ever. I am more sure of who I am, what I am supposed to do with my life, and positive about the present and future. Everyone has a different path in life, and it's all a matter of having the patience and faith to figure out what it is. My school director told me me several weeks ago how happy all my students are that I am back and how I not only share with them my culture and language, but also important life lessons, self awareness, and the world around them. In that alone I have achieved success. Everyone defines success differently--success to me is not measured by materialistic goods or money but rather meaningful relationships, family, friends, faith, laughter, inspiring others, following your heart, and happiness. So my message to all of you with this blog post is to pursue your passions, never compare yourself to the person next to you, let go of insecurities and personal and societal pressures, and live the life you want. Be you, have faith, and you'll be happy. It will be challenging, and you will want to give up many times, but that is life. It has taken me forever to get to this point, and I'm still working on it, but my wish for all of you is to have the courage to accept the unchangeable, take action, change what you can, fail, learn, grow, laugh, love, and I promise that you will live a fuller and happier life!!! Believe in yourself. Don't let fear hold you back, and more importantly, don't let yourself hold you back. Life is too short not to live it.
Peace&love,
Charina
If you have been following me from the beginning you would know that I moved to Spain in September 2014 after realizing my heart wasn't 100% in pursuing a doctorate in physical therapy. I loved the career, but something held me back from choosing this path. Although my studies were heavily science based, and my internship was working at a physical therapy clinic, all my volunteer hours were put into mentoring a refugee child from Burma, assisting a teacher in an international school, helping in a daycare for 2 year olds, and guiding high school students in an ESL classroom. I worked as a Spanish tutor on the side on top of all my volunteer work. It was obvious my passion was with children and teaching, but society told me that path wasn't successful. It's a low paying job, and it's "easy" compared to other professions. It honestly never crossed my mind at UVa that I could pursue teaching as a career as all my lab buddies were applying to medical school, my engineer friends already had jobs lined up after graduation, my business pals were pursuing an MBA, etc. I wanted to be like them, and I was more than capable of doing the same. Most of it came from pressure I put on myself. Like most first generation American kids, I wanted so badly to give my parents everything for all the sacrifices they made for me, the biggest one being moving to the USA so we could have a better life. I thought that a high paying job would reaffirm any doubt they had immigrating to the USA--that they made the right decision because here we could have what they didn't in the Philippines. After talking to my parents and shedding many tears, I found that all they ever wanted for me in life was to be happy. My happiness is their success. Once I understood that, so much pressure was lifted off of me. I understand that not every parent is understanding or open-minded, but eventually (for some it will take years), they will come around if they recognize you are truly happy with what you choose to pursue.
Despite my parent's approval of my decisions, I still let society and my friends' successes get to my head. After falling in love with teaching my first year in Spain and renewing my contract, I fell back into my insecurities and doubts at the end of the school year after my friends who had taken a gap year were now getting into MPH school, medical school, law school, etc. So much value is put on careers like medicine, and those who pursue it according to society's standards are successful, intelligent, and hard working. If I didn't pursue that career, was I not as successful, intelligent, or hard working as them? I honestly thought my teaching year was a gap year, but then life reminded me how much I love it. I had always loved teaching, but it didn't seem like a logical career path. I had never expressed aloud interest in teaching, it was just something I voluntarily did. I had a difficult end last year as I went back and forth with my decision to stay in Spain. I was a failure in society's eyes, and that put me in a really dark place. My insecurities hit an all time low, I felt more lost than ever going into the the summer, and I honestly thought I had made the wrong decision to stay.
I spent the entire summer feeling internally trapped, and it was the worst summer of my life. Luckily the idea of seeing my family at the end kept me working hard over the summer so I could afford a flight back home after being away for a whole year. Opening up to my family and friends about my insecurities and other issues over the summer was exactly what I needed to do to be reminded me of the love and support I have at home. The two weeks in the USA made me reflect a lot on life, and I came to this conclusion--when you let go of every insecurity you have ever had and you stop letting society pressure you into being something you are not or pursuing something that you hate, I promise you life will be a little bit easier. Obviously this is easier said than done, and it is something I still work at everyday and am sure will continue to battle for the rest of my life. But it's something I need to say as I have found that many of my friends and people I have met around my age are going through the same shit: What the hell am I doing with my life? This includes people who have finally obtained everything they have ever worked for--medical school admission, dream job, marriage, etc. What's next after you finally get what you worked for your whole life? It is more than normal to be unsure of your future -- it's scary as hell, and I promise you are not alone, although many times it may feel that way. Many people are too prideful or scared or worried to admit they aren't happy even when on paper everything to having a good and happy life checks off. I wanted to share this message with all of you because I know how easy it is to put pressure on yourself, how manipulated you can get by society, how influenced you can be by your friends' successes, and how badly insecurities can weigh you down.
I've now been back in Spain for over 2 months, and I can tell you I made the right decision in staying and am happier than ever. I am more sure of who I am, what I am supposed to do with my life, and positive about the present and future. Everyone has a different path in life, and it's all a matter of having the patience and faith to figure out what it is. My school director told me me several weeks ago how happy all my students are that I am back and how I not only share with them my culture and language, but also important life lessons, self awareness, and the world around them. In that alone I have achieved success. Everyone defines success differently--success to me is not measured by materialistic goods or money but rather meaningful relationships, family, friends, faith, laughter, inspiring others, following your heart, and happiness. So my message to all of you with this blog post is to pursue your passions, never compare yourself to the person next to you, let go of insecurities and personal and societal pressures, and live the life you want. Be you, have faith, and you'll be happy. It will be challenging, and you will want to give up many times, but that is life. It has taken me forever to get to this point, and I'm still working on it, but my wish for all of you is to have the courage to accept the unchangeable, take action, change what you can, fail, learn, grow, laugh, love, and I promise that you will live a fuller and happier life!!! Believe in yourself. Don't let fear hold you back, and more importantly, don't let yourself hold you back. Life is too short not to live it.
Peace&love,
Charina